[Enter Xander, Jesse, and Willow]

I would entreat you both to put on
Your boldest suits of mirth, for we have friends
That purpose merriment. But fare you well:
I have some business.

What business could such as you, In such an hour and in such a place lay claim?

3

My excellent good friends! How dost thou,
Guildenstern? Or is it, Rosenberg! Whatever
Jesse, Willow Good lad and lass, When of business
I speak, it is such fair business as may be found
In a woman’s face with nature’s own hand painted

Ah, the fair, the Lunar, the Buffy.

No. No lunar orb, but a summers day.

5

Hello, my good friends, I stand before you.
Excessive lamentation is the right of the dead,
Oh, Tara, pardon me, thou bleeding piece of earth,
That I am meek and gentle with these butchers!
Thou art the ruins of the noblest woman
That ever lived in the tide of times.
Woe to the hand that shed this costly blood!
A curse shall light upon the limbs of men;
Domestic fury and fierce civil strife
Shall cumber all the parts of Sunnydale;
Blood and destruction shall be so in use
And dreadful objects so familiar
That mothers shall but smile when they behold
Their infants quarter'd with the hands of war;
All pity choked with custom of fell deeds:
That this foul deed shall smell above the earth
With carrion men, groaning for burial.

Ummm, Willow, this is a party. I love the Crayon Breaky you,
And I love the scary vengeful vany Willow
But seriously, chilleth.

[Enter Buffy and Cordelia]

Heyeth, guys.

7

Ah, a lord to a lord and verily stuffed with virtues.
That I dislike, and none of the vices I admire, Xander

Do not mistake Cordelia, There is but lately risen,
a merry war betwixt Signor Xander and her.
Now, they never meet,
But there’s a skirmish of wit between them.

Alas, he gets nothing of that In our last conflict, four of his five wits went halting off
And now is the whole man governed with one.
So, who is his companion now, he hath every month a new sworn lover.

Errr-eth.

What my lady Disdain, are you yet living?

Is it possible disdain should die while she hath such meet food to it as Signor Xander?Courtesy itself must convert to disdain if you come in her presence.
Xander wears his faith but as the fashion of his hat, it ever changes with the next block.

Then is courtesy a turncoat.
ut it is certain, I am loved of all ladies,
Only you excepted,
And I would I could find in my heart
that I had not a hard hart for truly I love none.

This is goodly intelligence

I’ll be over there.

[Exuent Xander of Sunnydale stage left.]

A dear happiness to women. He always ends with a jade's trick,
I know him of old and yet….

Good evening Willow, the Bronzed darkness
Does suit this Softer Side of Sears.

[To Cordelia]You are more lovely and more dusky
Than an autumn night. Cordelia would you
Honor me with a dance?

As if it could ever be so. Good Buffy, the virtue of your estate
Is such that you need not bother with
Such riff and raff as these.
I shall be over there.

[Exuent Cordelia stage right. Jesse and Willow follow her. ]

Should I be silent and not speak, our raiment
And state of bodies would bewray what life
We would lead.

Look upon this crowd of dancing youth,
Mad gyrating to suck the marrowed bones,
Who without your watchful stance,
Will cold silent six feet lie.
You are the Slayer, that one girl,
Betwixt earth and circling spheres,
That each generation is by signs mystic,
Chosen to kill the dead that will not die.
Vampires, nosfaratu, unclean that wish to
Re-make this world once more their demon paradise.

12

[Aside]Be secret-false: what need he be acquainted?
What simple thief brags of her own attaint?
'Tis double wrong, to let him see it in deed
Let him read it in thy looks at board:
Shame hath a bastard fame, well managed;
Ill deeds are doubled with an evil word.
[To Giles]
Why I will fight with them upon this theme
And as I truly fight, I’ll defend our dream! 

[Exit Wesley]

By accident most strange, bountiful Fortune,
Now my dear lady, hath mine enemies
Brought to this shore; and by my prescience
I find my zenith doth depend upon
A most auspicious Slayer, whose influence
If now I court not but omit, my fortunes
Will ever after droop.

A devil, a born devil, on whose nature
Nurture can never stick; I will plague them all,
Even to roar, with my staff and book
And watching gaze.

[Enter the Master holding Jesse]

[Kills Jesse.]
Tastes like chicken.
Death is now the phoenix' nest
And the turtle's loyal breast
To eternity doth rest,
Leaving no posterity:
'Twas not their infirmity,
It was marred, crack earth and open.
Truth may seem, but cannot be:
Beauty brag, but 'tis not she;
Truth and beauty buried be.

[Buffy walks up to the Master]

I killed your friend quick.

That was quick.
Victuals, perhaps some sack.

If Buffy the Slayer be,
Then who is Joan?

[Enter group of vampires, including Angel, Vamp Willow and Vamp Xander]

What lady is that, which doth Enriched by the dust of yonder Master?

I know not, Soul Man.

Could you not refer to me so.
O, she doth teach the torches to burn bright!
It seems she hangs upon the cheek of night
Like a rich jewel in an Ethiope's ear;
Beauty too rich for use, for earth too dear!
Did my heart love till now? forswear it, sight!
For I ne'er saw true beauty till this night.

At Angelic parting sweetly did Darla smile,
In scorn or friendship, nill I construe whether:
'T may be, she joy'd to jest at his exile,
'T may be, again to make him wander thither:
'Wander,' a word for shadows like myself,
As take the pain, but cannot pluck the pelf.
I am so not telling her of this pass.

Her dead heart is burst,
She’ll have lost half her demonic soul;
Even now, now, very now, the old ram
Will go to topping the young ewe. Arise, arise;
The soulful devil will make a grandsire of her:
Our bodies are our gardens, to the which
our wills are gardeners: so that if we will plant
nettles, or sow gossip, set barbs and weed up
thyme, I’ll tell and Chaos is come again.

You are a merry villainess.

[Enter the Mayor and his Aid]

This, by his voice, should be a Vampire.
Fetch me my minions, boy. What dares the vamp
Come hither, cover'd with an antic face,
To fleer and scorn and eat my sheep?
Oh, bother, by the stock of my plans,
To strike them dead, I hold it not a sin.

[Enter Glory, with minions]

And the key of the house of glory will I find;
What it shall open, and none shall shut; and what it shall shut, none shall open.

And I saw an angel come down from heaven,
Having the key of the bottomless pit
And a great chain in his hand.
But then I lost the little bugger.
Have you seen him and the key.
It’s green and glowy and mine.

[Black clad commandoes run across stage, seize vampire, exit stage left]

There is a tide in the affairs of men,
Which, taken at the flood, leads on to fortune;
Omitted, all the voyage of their life
Is bound in shallows and in miseries.
On such a full sea are we now afloat;
And we must take the current when it serves,
Or lose our ventures.
Well, you win some, you loose some,
I think its time to thin the herd.
Which reminds me, I forgot to set the VCR,
There’s a fascinating broadcast on Discovery.

[The vampires, the Mayor’s minions, and the soldiers all go off stage to fight.]

If I profane with my unworthiest hand
This holy shrine, the gentle fine is this:
My lips, two blushing pilgrims, ready stand
To smooth that rough touch with a tender kiss.

Uh…wow, you do wrong your hand too much,
Which mannerly devotion shows in this;
For saints have hands that pilgrims' hands do touch,
And palm to palm is holy palmers' kiss.
But, good sir, give me a moment to wash away the dust.

[Alarums, Vampires fight soldiers across stage.]

Have not saints lips, and holy palmers too?

Ay, pilgrim, lips that they must use in prayer.

O, then, dear saint, let lips do what hands do;
They pray, grant thou, lest faith turn to despair.

[Alarums, Mayor’s minions fight Glory’s minions across stage]

Saints do not move, though grant for prayers' sake.

Then move not, while my prayer's effect I take.
Thus from my lips, by yours, my sin is purged.

This whole earth may be bored and that the moon
May through the centre creep and so displease

No more of love’s drivel, that’s fair to make me gag,
I would to wicked games, pluck eyes and teeth,
To make puppies smell their way to Dover.

[Exit Vamp Willow and Vamp Xander]

Then have my lips the sin that they have took.

Sin from thy lips?

My shame and guilt confounds me.
Forgive me, Valentine: if hearty sorrow
Be a sufficient ransom for offence,
I tender 't here; I do as truly suffer
As e'er I did commit.

What?

O trespass sweetly urged! Give me my sin again.

You kiss by the book.

[Alarums, Vampires and Watchers fight across the stage]

Buffy, your Watcher craves a word with you.

What her watcher?
Is she a Slayer?
O dear account! my life is my foe's debt.

I would’ve thought slaying the Master
Would have made the matter plain..

[Exit Angelus]

His name is Angelus, and a Vampire;
The Direst son of your greatest enemy.

My only love sprung from my only hate!
Too early seen unknown, and known too late!
Prodigious birth of love it is to me,
That I must love a loathed enemy.

You can have not seen the change of seventeen years.

Younger than I are happy mothers made.

Perhaps in Verona. In Sunnydale duty is thy bed.
Obey Council’s will, which travails in thy good:
Believe not thy desire, but presently
Do thine own fortunes that obedient right
Which both thy duty owes and our knowledge claims;
Go forth and slay.

[Giles and Buffy exeunt stage right.]

[Enter Buffybot]

My name is Buffy. Have you seen me?
Bye now.
[Exit Buffybot]